Who doesn't love a bargain?
Main Mistress is certainly no exception. Therefore, when she stumbled upon the Ol' Roy brand of dog food last week at Walmart, she thought she had discovered dog food Nirvana.
A bit of background. Three years ago, after seeing the Reverend Billy movie, What Would Jesus Buy? Main Mistress swore off Walmart, which the movie revealed as one of the worst and exploitative American companies in the world. And she kept to her word...until Shabbat ended too late to see a movie and she and Main Master were stuck in the bungalow before the wireless network was hooked up and they were bored, etc, etc...
So she suggested heading over to Walmart to shop for a cheap DVD amid the hordes of Hasidim and townies. Doing Walmart on a Saturday night is a local tradition in the town of Monroe and probably every other godforsaken place in America.
I'm not sure how she came to that decision. Either Main Mistress is flexible or a complete hypocrite. I'm not sure. I'll ask Nala what she thinks.
Walking from the entertainment section holding onto a $5 DVD (Pineapple Express), they found themselves in the pet food aisle. That's where they saw the Ol' Roy brand, which is basically a total rip-off of the Cesar's package. Instead of a Westie, there is a Yorkie on the top. The color scheme is also the same. Main Mistress laughed raucously at first but the price looked right. At 60 cents a piece, Ol' Roy was 12 cents cheaper than Target's 72 cents per tub of the Cesar's dog food we also love.
"Let's get some!!!" she told Main Master. "How bad can it be??"
In truth, Nala and I thought that Ol' Roy was rather tasty...in a junky way. It was unlike anything we had ever tasted, even better than those smoked turkey slices we once stole off a deli platter. We tucked into the Ol' Roy with unusual gusto. Nala even stole my tub from me and I had to nip at her tail to get it back.
Our eagerness triggered Main Mistress's suspicions. This morning, she went online to investigate the nutritional content.
"I knew it!!!" she shouted, finding that it garnered a one-star rating from Dogfoodadvisor.
"Crap!!!" we said in unison. "The party's over!"
I just heard the jingle of keys. I think Main Mistress is on her way to Whole Foods or some other den of boring wholesomeness to upgrade our diet. Before she gets back, I'm going try to bury the remaining tubs where she cannot find them. Maybe underneath Main Master's dirty shirts at the bottom of his closet.
Mwwwaaaahaaahaaaa.
Yours truly,
Alfie
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