Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Welcome to the Fabulous Life of Alfie the Pomeranian

Wow! I've got my own blog!!! Or, should there be some new word invented for a dog's blog, perhaps a doglog??
In any case, I've got one. Kewwwwwwwwwwwl! I hope that my Main Mistress, whom I've hired to type this entry (the keyboard is in English and I can only type in Pomeranian) sends the URL to Junior Mistress who is currently in Israel.
Junior Mistress is 18. And a half. She's in her year between high school and college. I love Junior Mistress! And I miss her to pieces!!! She's the reason I came to live with My Human Family in Manhattan. She's been gone for sooooo long that I want to howl every time I think of it. I think I saw her last time during that holiday with the turkey. Junior Mistress slipped me a HUGE piece of turkey skin under the table. Delish!!!
So, here I am, lying at the feet of my Main Mistress sending her telepathic messages. They read, "Send the URL to Junior Mistress. Stop. Better yet, call Junior Mistress in the morning and tell her about the new blog. Stop."
Junior Mistress will love this!!! And when she returns home for that matzah holiday (yay!! I LOVE matzah!!!) I will spend about an hour licking her feet. I hope they are nice and dirty from Ein Gedi. Yum!!!!
This blog is my own doggy diary. I'll bet you're thinking, "Big deal. Why would I be interested in reading the blog of a Pomeranian?"
And if you are thinking something along those lines, you obviously do not know the first thing about the fabulous lives Pomeranians lead. But I intend to educate you.
In this post, I just wanted to introduce my personal peeps:
Main Mistress: She has short dark hair and is addicted to coffee. Her life is a wreck. She works all the time. She loves reading and writes mysterious things in the middle of the night. She has a really loud voice. I think she is a grown-up because she has three kids, two of whom are grown-up. But I'm not sure because she doesn't really act like a grown-up. She likes to dance a lot. She likes to exercise a lot. She loves summer. She hates cleaning. She likes to throw parties. She loves to travel. She lets me sleep with her when the Main Master is away. She takes me for walks only when the Main Master is away but I live with her in our country bungalow in the summer and then she takes care of me all the time.
Main Master: He is tall with glasses. He looks like a professor. He is a professor. He teaches at that huge place across the street from Our House. He brought me home from my Pom Family to my Human Family. He takes the best care of me. He takes me out whenever I need to, in fact, I need to pee the minute I see him. It's Pavlovian. He likes reading newspapers and listens to music on a cable tv channel that has writing and information about the composers. He doesn't let me sleep on the bed. He once chased me with a pillow because I bit him when he took my chocolate away. I love the way his shoes and dirty clothes smell. I usually hang out in his closet when I can't get away with sleeping on his pillow. I think he might be my real father. Or maybe God.
Senior Master: He goes to the huge place across the street. He's very smart...I can tell. He has bottles of Absinthe in his room from strange European countries. His room has about five million books. He is sort of a grown-up but I'm not sure. His friends like me a lot. I'm not sure he likes me. Still, I like to lick him and jump up on him. I cannot help loving him. He once played catch with me. I did NOT like that! He also once put a dress on me and made me star in a movie he made that is on YouTube. All I have to say about that movie is WTF??!!!
Junior Mistress: Well, I told you a bit about her. She is beautiful. She has a GREAT singing voice. And she's an amazing actress! (Can I still say actress these days? Dogs aren't big on PC-speak.) I know she'll be famous one day!!!!I like to steal her underwear from the hamper but this makes her mad. She loves me. Her friends all love me, esp the friend named Reeb. Reeb is like a second Junior Mistress to me. I love anyone connected to Junior Mistress. I love her so much I almost wish I was human so I could marry her. But she has a boyfriend. For a human, he looks okay, mostly because he has a lot of hair.
Junior Master: He is kind of like my brother. I really love him, too! I'm planning on sleeping in his bed tonight. That is a very cozy place to sleep, take it from me. He sometimes even hugs me in his sleep. He plays the cello. He also has an amazing singing voice. I think he should be a rock star! Or a singing cellist. I like the sound of his singing and his cello. Sometimes, though, he makes other sounds that I hate!!!! Dog ears are sensitive!!! He has the sweatiest feet in the family, ergo, the tastiest for me!!! He also doesn't mind if I steal his undies from the hamper. Now those are tasty underpants! Junior Master watches too much TV, in my opinion. But he tosses me a lot of food because I bark my brain off when I see him having snack. When he wakes up in the morning, I like to growl at him just for the heck of it. He's too young to drink coffee but he sure could use it to help wake up.
Then, there are other creatures who live in Our House but they are beneath my dignity to mention. Suffice it to say that they live in a cage and are rodents.
Anyway, my tail is beginning to droop. There is so much more to say but I'll sign off now for tonight.
Catch you later!!!
Alfie the Pomeranian

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