A VISIT FROM THE DEVIL, AKA COCOA THE DOG

Dear Junior Mistress,

I must have a bark with you about today's horrific visit from that doody-colored dog who accompanied your boyfriend to Our House.

That dog was the devil. He pooped on the floor. He peed on the floor. He tried to hump me. He spent an inordinate amount of time sniffing my butt. He tried to kill me.

I do not understand what this means. Don't you love me anymore? Yes, it was a joyous reunion at Kennedy Airport yesterday when I jumped about ten feet to lick your face in greeting. Yes, I snuggled in your lap during the traffic-clogged trip back to the city.

Yes, you let me lick your feet when we were home and then I snuggled with you and Reeb on the couch that is coming apart at the seams. I think I even slept with you for a portion of the night.

But a Pom's home is his castle and I cannot have intruders such as Cocoa inside my royal abode.

I hope you understand.


Love and wags,


Alfie the Pomeranian

PS: I think that Cocoa might be gay.
PPS: I hope you like the picture I found of the Famous Emma Goldman
PPPS: Even though she's more famous than you, you are WAY prettier
PPPPS: I still love you!!! Even if you have broken my puppy heart.

ME AND MAH GURL

Tomorrow afternoon, at approximately 4:10 pm, mah main gurl, Junior Mistress, is coming home from Israel. For two whole weeks!!! Over the matzah holiday!!!!!

And I get to go to the airport with Main Mistress and Junior Master!!!!

Yay!!!! Yipppeee!!!!! Woo-hoooo!!!!

I am so excited I almost just peed on the floor in the room where Main Mistress is working. Frankly, she's so focused that I doubt she would notice. So, maybe I will pee...hmmmm.

Nah, I decided not to. Main Mistress is PMS-ing and this would not be a good thing.

When Junior Mistress returns home, I am going to ask her if I can sleep in her bed. This is what I plan to do if she says yes:

Lick her toes

Lick her toes

Lick her toes.

In short, lick her toes.

What? Don't make that face!!! They are really tasty!!!

Gotta go now. Main Mistress wants to go for a treadmill trot. Ha! Get a life, lady!!! It's gorgeous outside. Why not hit the campus of Columbia University, perhaps run up the steps of Low Library?

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Because you look fat in your running shorts 'coz you have PMS. Right.

Next post will chronicle the return of Junior Mistress.

I hope she doesn't have PMS as well. I might not survive.

Love and poops,

Alfie the Pomeranian

I LOVE NATALIE!!

How fabulous is it to be a Pomeranian?

I'll tell you.

Very fabulous.

So fabulous that you get stopped all the time on the street by strangers because you are so cute. Most of these strangers are girls. They stop and melt when they see me. They coo, they squeal, they bend down to get on my level. In response, I jump on them and go crazy licking their hands, faces, basically anything I can get my tongue on!

They love it. I love it.

It's good to be a Pomeranian, especially one with luxurious blond hair, a little foxy nose and a wildly curling tail. It doesn't hurt that I bounce down the street on my teeny little feet and I have a pleasant bark. Not too yippy like some dogs I know but who shall remain nameless.

Yeah...I'm a babe magnet. Senior Master once joked about borrowing me and going to a bar to increase his chances with the women. That is a surefire road to success! Do it, Senior Master!!! (I especially like The Stone Rose, the bar at the new Time Warner Center. The waitresses are SMOKIN' there.)

Well, of all the girls out there who have fallen in love with me as we pass on the street, none can compare with a very special girl who is a family member. Her name is Natalie. She has long dark hair and ENORMOUS dark eyes. She is adorable!!! And we have a special little love-thing going on.

Me and Mrs. Natalie. We've got a thing....going on!

Here's what is so great about this. She used to be afraid of all dogs and to that I say, good thinking, Natalie! Some dogs ARE scary!!! Be afraid. Be very afraid.

And she used to be afraid of me, despite my extreme cuteness. This, of course, hurt my feelings a bit even as I understood that it wasn't me, per se, she was afraid of. It was Dogness. The concept of canines. Not cute little me.

Meanwhile, I cannot explain why, but one day Natz decided that I'm okay and the next thing ya know, we're madly in love!!! And she even started asking Main Mistress and Junior Master to bring me over for special playdates!!! Yippppeeeeeee!!!

So, now I've got a little thang going on with Natalie. She even has a special doggie dish for me and some doggie treats like the astronauts eat. One of fave things to do is to go to her house and hang out with her and her brothers and sisters. There are about five million of them in that house, I think.

So here's a shout-out to mah gurl Natalie: I LOVE YOU!!! You rock my world!!!

Barks and licks,

Alfie the Pomeranian

Welcome to the Fabulous Life of Alfie the Pomeranian

Wow! I've got my own blog!!! Or, should there be some new word invented for a dog's blog, perhaps a doglog??

In any case, I've got one. Kewwwwwwwwwwwl! I hope that my Main Mistress, whom I've hired to type this entry (the keyboard is in English and I can only type in Pomeranian) sends the URL to Junior Mistress who is currently in Israel.

Junior Mistress is 18. And a half. She's in her year between high school and college. I love Junior Mistress! And I miss her to pieces!!! She's the reason I came to live with My Human Family in Manhattan. She's been gone for sooooo long that I want to howl every time I think of it. I think I saw her last time during that holiday with the turkey. Junior Mistress slipped me a HUGE piece of turkey skin under the table. Delish!!!

So, here I am, lying at the feet of my Main Mistress sending her telepathic messages. They read, "Send the URL to Junior Mistress. Stop. Better yet, call Junior Mistress in the morning and tell her about the new blog. Stop."

Junior Mistress will love this!!! And when she returns home for that matzah holiday (yay!! I LOVE matzah!!!) I will spend about an hour licking her feet. I hope they are nice and dirty from Ein Gedi. Yum!!!!

This blog is my own doggy diary. I'll bet you're thinking, "Big deal. Why would I be interested in reading the blog of a Pomeranian?"

And if you are thinking something along those lines, you obviously do not know the first thing about the fabulous lives Pomeranians lead. But I intend to educate you.

In this post, I just wanted to introduce my personal peeps:

Main Mistress: She has short dark hair and is addicted to coffee. Her life is a wreck. She works all the time. She loves reading and writes mysterious things in the middle of the night. She has a really loud voice. I think she is a grown-up because she has three kids, two of whom are grown-up. But I'm not sure because she doesn't really act like a grown-up. She likes to dance a lot. She likes to exercise a lot. She loves summer. She hates cleaning. She likes to throw parties. She loves to travel. She lets me sleep with her when the Main Master is away. She takes me for walks only when the Main Master is away but I live with her in our country bungalow in the summer and then she takes care of me all the time.

Main Master: He is tall with glasses. He looks like a professor. He is a professor. He teaches at that huge place across the street from Our House. He brought me home from my Pom Family to my Human Family. He takes the best care of me. He takes me out whenever I need to, in fact, I need to pee the minute I see him. It's Pavlovian. He likes reading newspapers and listens to music on a cable tv channel that has writing and information about the composers. He doesn't let me sleep on the bed. He once chased me with a pillow because I bit him when he took my chocolate away. I love the way his shoes and dirty clothes smell. I usually hang out in his closet when I can't get away with sleeping on his pillow. I think he might be my real father. Or maybe God.

Senior Master: He goes to the huge place across the street. He's very smart...I can tell. He has bottles of Absinthe in his room from strange European countries. His room has about five million books. He is sort of a grown-up but I'm not sure. His friends like me a lot. I'm not sure he likes me. Still, I like to lick him and jump up on him. I cannot help loving him. He once played catch with me. I did NOT like that! He also once put a dress on me and made me star in a movie he made that is on YouTube. All I have to say about that movie is WTF??!!!

Junior Mistress: Well, I told you a bit about her. She is beautiful. She has a GREAT singing voice. And she's an amazing actress! (Can I still say actress these days? Dogs aren't big on PC-speak.) I know she'll be famous one day!!!!I like to steal her underwear from the hamper but this makes her mad. She loves me. Her friends all love me, esp the friend named Reeb. Reeb is like a second Junior Mistress to me. I love anyone connected to Junior Mistress. I love her so much I almost wish I was human so I could marry her. But she has a boyfriend. For a human, he looks okay, mostly because he has a lot of hair.

Junior Master: He is kind of like my brother. I really love him, too! I'm planning on sleeping in his bed tonight. That is a very cozy place to sleep, take it from me. He sometimes even hugs me in his sleep. He plays the cello. He also has an amazing singing voice. I think he should be a rock star! Or a singing cellist. I like the sound of his singing and his cello. Sometimes, though, he makes other sounds that I hate!!!! Dog ears are sensitive!!! He has the sweatiest feet in the family, ergo, the tastiest for me!!! He also doesn't mind if I steal his undies from the hamper. Now those are tasty underpants! Junior Master watches too much TV, in my opinion. But he tosses me a lot of food because I bark my brain off when I see him having snack. When he wakes up in the morning, I like to growl at him just for the heck of it. He's too young to drink coffee but he sure could use it to help wake up.

Then, there are other creatures who live in Our House but they are beneath my dignity to mention. Suffice it to say that they live in a cage and are rodents.

Anyway, my tail is beginning to droop. There is so much more to say but I'll sign off now for tonight.

Catch you later!!!

Alfie the Pomeranian