Get A Wife!

Hello loyal readers!

Sorry to have been away for so long from the computer but my fabulous life as a Manhattan Pomeranian has meant that I arrive home pooped (not THAT kind of pooped) and swiftly sink into sleep at the bottom of Main Master's closet, on top of his dirty shirts and smelly shoes.

Bliss!!!!!!!!!!

The new day always dawns with my bladder almost bursting and me begging the Human Family to take me out, which they only do when Junior Master's yellow school bus pulls up.

So, sorry, readers, but there has been precious little time to blog.

Now, you might be wondering, with this amazing life (things to sniff, places to pee upon...) why blog now??

Good question.

The answer is that I overheard Junior Master telling Main Mistress about a boy in his class named Ari who is a loyal reader of Alfie the Pomeranian. He was wondering when a new post would appear.

That day has arrived, Ari.

This post is for you.

So...here's what's on my mind:

You know, my life is pretty full. I've got this pack of humans to guard, a homicidal hamster to watch, beds to jump onto, food to eat, delivery guys to bark at, pigeons to harass, television movies to watch, food to steal....however, lately, I must admit to feel the teeniest bit lonely.

After watching Main Mistress hugging Main Master the other day, it hit me like a bolt of lightening.

I need a wife.

Yes, me, Alfie the Pomeranian, the classic New York bachelor, wants to settle down with a sweet little b...I mean, female Pomeranian. Ideally, she would have black fur, like Main Mistress. The problem is...where can I find such a creature???

I know that the single friends of Main Mister and Mistress go on this internet site called JDate, where they find all kinds of amazing Jewish people to date. So...I am hereby announcing the creation of a canine dating site -- PDate -- exclusively for Pomeranians. I don't want to be nasty or anything, but I really want to marry within my breed. There is just too much Pomeranian tradition that I don't want to lose.

Besides, I'm not really attracted to Boxers (too ugly), Schnauzers(too eager), Greyhounds (too fast), German Shepherds (too scary), Standard Poodles (too evil), Shar-Peis (too wrinkled), Norwegian Elkhounds (too bulky), Weimaraners (too photogenic), St. Bernards (too helpful), Afghans (too long-haired), Salukis (too foreign), Dachshunds (too short and long), Japanese Chins (too hideous for words), Chihuahuas (too nervous) or Russian Wolfhounds (too communist).

So, all you little girl Pomeranians out there, check out my profile on the soon-to-be-created PDate. It'll say something like:

Adorable blond Pomeranian, a vigorous 7 and a half years old, likes long belly rubs, barking at pigeons, chasing squirrels, eating snow, stealing chocolate and joining Little Master at night when he says Sh'ma with Main Mistress. Must love challah and potato kugel. Looking for that perfect She-Pom to share a happy life with. Would prefer a black-haired gal.

Above all, must love to sleep on top of dirty shirts and smelly shoes.